Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Convos With Myself

Lost In A Forest

“Self,” I say, “hush.  Quiet yourself.  Relax and be still.”

Of course I don’t listen.

“Be at peace,” I say.

The tumultuous storm inside rages louder and more fiercely.

“Accept what is,” comes a too small voice inside me.  The chaos drowns it out.

How do you know if the little nagging voice is a voice of warning or the Beast lying?  “You’re not good enough,” is notoriously a Beast’s lie, but it can also be that voice of caution that tried to ward one off from diving off the high dive without proper training.

Or is it?

I can’t tell, anymore.

I don’t laugh like I used to.  It sounds hollow and far away, like the conversations I have with myself. 

I’ve taken to walking.  If the trail winds enough and there are enough curiosities for the voices to make up stories instead of chatting to me, then I get some reprieve. There’s still so. much. noise.  But at least it isn’t noise that demands immediate attention.

I wish I could capture the stories on paper. They’d make me famous.

Sadly, like my dreams, they slip through my fingers like grains of sand when I try to hold them too tight.

The “it” that is here in the house has acknowledged me. Ghost? Spirit? Demon? Shadow? Imprint?  I’m not sure.  I think female.  She doesn’t object to my presence. She’s not aggressive or violent or protesting… Just watching. Waiting. At least she doesn’t talk to me.  I don’t think I could take any more voices.

Posted by Liberty at 01:05 AM

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