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Colorfully-See-Through-Head

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Friday, February 22, 2002

101 Things About Me

After reading Andrea’s 101 Things, I figured I’d do my own.  After all, I am a sheep.

1.  I love my name and it suits me.

2.  The soundtrack to my life is vividly beautiful and torrent emotional.  There’s almost always music playing in the background, at least in my head.

3.  Robert Jones was my first love.  I always thought I would marry him, become an elementary school teacher, and spend my life living in the Ute Pass area. 

4.  I often feel I cheated Fate, and not in a good way.  Sometimes, late at night I lay awake at night wondering if Fate is going to realize She was cheated and come after me.

5.  I love traveling but I hate not having a place that is truly “home” to me.

6.  I’ve felt homeless for ten years now.

7.  I love growing things, especially herbs and vegetables.

8.  Even though I lived with my parents while I was growing up, my grandparents essentially raised me and my brother and sister.

9.  There is no one I fight with quite so fiercely as my sister, nor anyone who can make me laugh so hard.

10.  My closest friends are those with whom I can laugh and cry without fear or embarrassment.

11.  I like to think I’m wild, but I’m really not.

12.  I prefer wearing glasses to contacts.  Glasses hide my funky eyebrows.

13.  I have funky eyebrows.  Actually, I’m just altogether hairy all over my body.  We.

14.  Green is my favorite color, especially shades of deep emerald and forest.

15.  I believed in Santa Claus until I was 10 years old.  I’m glad that I did.

16.  On my 16th birthday, my dad pulled his hand away from lighting my birthday candles and accidentally hit my mouth.  I had a fat lip for almost a week after that.

17.  I lost my virginity at 17.

18.  When I went to college I decorated most of my dorm room with plants and Sesame Street paraphenalia.  I still like Sesame Street characters, especially Oscar the Grouch.

19.  I got pregnant when I was 19.  I knew nothing of pregnancy or babies and for the first time in my life, I read books, I took classes and I took my life very seriously.  For the first time, I made choices because they really mattered.

20.  I’ve always wanted to learn to fly a plane. 

21.  On my 21st birthday, my husband (well, fianc?t the time) pushed me down a flight of stairs during a fight.  He didn’t mean to, but a part of me will always hate him for it.

22.  I weigh 140 lbs.  I want to weigh 125lbs but I wish I weighed 100lbs.  Until I look at photos of myself, I don’t realize how fat I’ve become. 

23.  If there was a fire and all of my family, pets and plants were already safe but I had time to grab ONE material possession from my home, I’d probably grab the book I’m reading.  I’d want something to do while the firefighters put out the fire.

24.  I swear like a sailor and have little to no shame about it.

25.  When I was growing up, I was considered “prude” because I didn’t cuss, smoke, drink, or date.

26.  I have never smoked or done any illegal drugs, but I did consider dropping acid once, and I can see myself trying it at some point in my life.

27.  TWENTY SEVEN IS MY NUMBER.  smile  Well, I think 2 and 7 both were, but then I just sorta squished the two together to 27.

28.  I used to think I would die when I was 27.  I’m now 28.

29.  Even though it sounds silly to some people, I believe in faeries and magic.

30.  I’m NOT a morning person.

31.  Sinus infections plagued me when I lived in Colorado, but since moving away from the pollen of the evergreens, I haven’t suffered from as many.

32.  Instead I suffer from severe PMS.

33.  Birth controls don’t help with my PMS they actually seem to trigger severe depression.

34.  I’m not on any birth control at all right now, but then, my husband had a vasectomy so I don’t need to be.  Still, I get depressed sometimes.

35.  I’ve never been more depressed in my life than after my second pregnancy.

36.  I’ve contemplated suicide many, many times.

37.  I’ve cut my wrists many, many times, but not to kill myself, only to hurt myself.

38.  Physical pain is easier to deal with than emotional/mental pain, so when I feel overwhelmed emotionally I often resort to hurting myself physically.

39.  When I’m nervous (and sometimes even when I’m not) I stutter and have trouble saying words I know.  Or else, I get the meanings confused.  I don’t have that kind of trouble (as much) when I write words which is why I’ve always felt more comfortable communicating through letters or over the Internet.

40.  I’m extremely shy and backward in person, but I think I come across as relatively confident over the Internet.

41.  I’ve met most of my friends through the Internet and those I haven’t met online, I’ve grown close to by keeping in touch online.

42.  When I was in high school, I went riding around my aunt and uncle’s block on a bike barefoot and got my little toe caught in the chain of the bike.  Now I’m terrified of riding a bike.

43.  I don’t keep a history of my ICQ or other events, not because I’m hiding anything but because I hate clutter and prefer to keep my hard drive as tidy as possible.

44.  My virtual desktop is a thousand times tidier than my real life desktop.

45.  Thrift store shopping is very satisfying to me, even if I don’t buy anything or find any fabulous bargains.

46.  Freebies thrill me.  I’m more than willing to get tons of junk mail or spammy email just so I can claim free samples, free with purchase, free coupons and free points.

47.  I’m a lipbalm and lotion junkie.  I own entirely too much of both, but I’ll use any excuse I can to buy more.

48.  My trademark game is Uno, but my favorite game is Catan.

49.  My favorite daydream is the one where I’m a single artist living in a studio apartment with a permanent smudge of paint across my nose.  It may seem silly, but I think I daydream about it because it’s what would would least make me happy and it’s the furthest from what my life is right now.

50.  I was born and raised in Colorado.

51.  I lived in the same house from the age of four until I left home to live with TDO.

52.  My sense of humor is fairly off beat.

53.  I’m a dork.

54.  Nothing soothes me as much as having someone hold me and pat my back.

55.  All three of my children have blue eyes even though mine are brownish green.

56.  My teeth are crooked.

57.  I’m a terrible house keeper, but in general, my least favorite chore is putting laundry away.

58.  My favorite author is Tad Williams.

59.  No one ever taught me how to put on makeup, so I rarely wear it.

60.  I prefer pads to tampons, but I use both on occasion.

61.  My singing talents are few, but I have a pleasant enough voice… for someone who sounds like an 8 year-old girl.

62.  I’ve been in five plays in my life.  The only lines I can remember from any of them are:

“Oh, Neil!  Do… do people die from book ends?”

and

“Look!  We’re on TV!”

63.  I’m not a very good actress, but I’m a pretty damned good drama queen.

64.  I cheated on my husband a little over a month after our first wedding anniversary.

65.  During the affair, I had the best sex of my life.

66.  When I worked at Santa’s Workshop, I played Snow White for a time.  I also was a gnome, Pocahontas, Cinderella, and Dorothy, from the Wizard of Oz.  The Dorothy costume suited me best, but the Cinderella costume was the most comfortable.

67.  When I’m hurt, overwhelmed, disappointed, or frustrated I translate my feelings into anger because anger is an emotion I understand and can cope with more easily.

68.  My step-father adopted me shortly after he and my mother married. 

69.  I don’t know where my biological father is, or if he’s still alive.  His name is Chris Ruggles.

70.  I don’t get along very well with my in-laws, but I especially dislike my mother-in-law.

71.  Once, when I was living with my in-laws, I daydreamed about killing them all.

72.  If my in-laws died, I’d be very disappointed because I’d have little left to complain about.

73.  When I was pregnant with Sebastian, I secretly hoped and prayed I would have a girl.  I wanted to name her Elise.  Sebastian’s biological father is now engaged (perhaps married to?) someone named Elise.

74.  The entire time I was pregnant with Jenica, I knew in my heart we were going to have a girl.  I never bothered to pick out a boy name.

75.  When we lived in Barstow, my next door neighbor propositioned me for sex.

76.  I almost said yes.

77.  Even though I’m right handed, I used to wear my watch on my right hand all of the time until my grandmother told me I’d ruin my watch by wearing it on that hand.

78.  I love the scent of roses.  I love roses in general.

79.  Someday I want my own “real” tiara to wear around the house while I do housework.

80.  I’ve played nearly a dozen different role playing games.  I’ve even had the privledge of play testing one for a friend.

81.  Among my many talents, I kind of know how to crochet.  A little.  Barely.

82.  I log on to Neopets at least once a day to collect freebies, spin wheels, scratch tickets, and zap pets.

83.  My favorite way to spend a rainy afternoon is to curl up with a book in bed.

84.  My second favorite way to spend a rainy afternoon is to take the kids out to splash in puddles.

85.  Especially sappy TV commercials sometimes make me cry.

86.  I let my kids play with things they shouldn’t.

87.  When I’m running out of things to talk about, but I still feel I want to be heard, I talk about my kids.

88.  I often use my kids as a shield to protect me from having to deal with the real world.

89.  I’ve shoplifted.  Recently.

90.  I got my driver’s license in 1990.  I was just shy of 17.

91.  I’m not such a good driver.  I’m too scatter brained and too easily distracted.  And, um, well, I’m too much of a wimp.

92.  My boyfriend Todd Cooper took me to the first, last, and only (to date) concert I’ve ever been to.  The Cure’s Wish tour.  “Wish” still is one of my most favorite albums.

93.  I sleep better in a cold room with a warm bed.  (read: an electric blanket or someone to cuddle.)

94.  I’ve never stolen money from a work place and I never would.

 

95.  Someday, if I ever grow up, I’d like to have a job where I can set my own pace and do my own thing without someone breathing down my neck, but where I also don’t have to be utterly alone.

96.  Flossing is fun.  I like the waxed minty dental floss.

97.  It used to be that most of my friends were guys.  Now it’s about 50/50 guys and girls.

98.  Nothing breaks my heart worse than having to sit by and watch a friend hurt and not be able to do anything about it.

99.  Except knowing I caused that hurt.

100.  In a past life, I lived in Mexico.

101.  Someday, I will return.

Posted by Mommy on 02/22 at 06:20 AM
Posted under: Totally Transparent (Greatest Hits)

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Comments

Ramik  at  02/25/02 08:30 PM

So…numbers 64 and 65. Were it my relationship, I know that my partner would be deeply hurt by my posting publicly that the best sex I’d ever had was while cheating on her. Has there been marital stress and trauma due to this being posted? I assume your husband knows about the affair, but to specify that the fellow you cheated with was better in bed than your husband seems…cruel? Alternately, maybe your husband is okay with it…I’m curious. Please respond.

—-Josh

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Acidman  at  09/13/02 06:20 PM

I suppose my ex-wife is having the best sex of HER life now, too.  She screwed me out of everything I ever cared about, took my son, shacked up with another guy, and I pay her over $1,000 every month for that.  If that’s not “wonderful sex” I don’t know what is.

I would never cheat on someone I promised not to cheat on.  I’m funny that way.  That’s also why being CHEATED ON hurt me so badly. 

What is it with you women?  MEN are supposed to be the horny swine. 

I don’t believe that anymore.

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Ailic  at  01/05/03 06:21 PM

Many of the things here troubled me for many different reasons. Yet Knowing the writer of this 101 list as I do (that is to say I call myself a friend) I have but one thing to truely say. That is takes a STRONG woman to put the things she did here on the net for any and all to see. A strong woman to offer up herself for judgement for any to happen by and think they can know here well enough to judge her by reading this list. Are any of you who comment here strong enough to do the same? I’m not sure I could. Standing ‘o’ for you my friend.

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R.L.A.  at  04/18/03 09:37 PM

People cheat for different reasons.  I don’t think I have been faitful to a girlfriend in all the time I have been dating.  It is a self destructive behavior I engage in, and one in which I have determined is linked to my being bipolar.  Increased sexual desire.  The hell of MY being bipolar.

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Jen  at  07/24/03 12:56 AM

At first I thought I was reading my life on this page. Except for the names and I have not yet had kids, our lives seem to have ran on the same lines. There was only about 14 things on that list that didnt fit my life. Thank you for sharing this, It makes me feel like I am not the only one!

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Robert  at  08/27/03 07:10 PM

I have to agree with RLA. Not pleasant, though, if it hurts others. I have tried to limit the cheating, and hope that I can come out with just the increased sexual desire.

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