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Monday, November 05, 2012

Anniversaries

Oh, I don’t mean the joyful kind.  I don’t mean celebrating the annual passing of when one started a job or committed one’s life to another or even a Blogversary.  No, I mean the hard anniversaries that make it rough to want to even get out of bed.

November used to be the only one, really.  Don’t get me wrong, from late December until early March were rough months, but there was only one particular day in the midst of those months that tugged at me, and that one was a mixed bag of emotions where I had to play like it was only a joyful day, if only for the sake of my son.  Not anymore, though.

Now it seems like the only months that are safe from these reminder days of horrible moments past are May, June, and July.  How’d I go from dreading three months of the year, to really only finding respite three months of the year?

I know that to some extent, we all have these anniversaries.  People we love die or break up, which is a death, itself, if only for the relationship.  It’s a fact of life that none of us can avoid unless we avoid getting close enough to people to love them.  No thanks.  I couldn’t live in a world completely devoid of love. 

I know we all handle them differently, but even my grandmother struggled with November - a month which held anniversaries of the deaths of both her parents and her brother.  My grandmother was graceful and poised and always did her best to look on the bright side, and even she would fall into dark days each November.  By Christmas she had her mask firmly back in place (or who knows? Maybe she really was over it by then?) but there were weeks where she was, well, at the very least “unavailable.”

I wish there weren’t so many.  I wish life wasn’t so filled with hurt and disappointment.  But it is what it is.

There was some ease today in talking with Jenica about my grandmother.  In so many wonderful and magical ways, Jenica reminds me of my grandmother.  I wish the two of them had met and had a chance to get to know each other.  Sadly, Grandma passed just a few months before Jen arrived. It was nice getting to see glimpses of my grandma through Jenica, even if it wasn’t the same at all as actually getting to see my grandma. 

I wish the anniversaries of the months ahead, so filled with tragedy, would have such soothing balms to ease their passing.

Posted by Liberty on 11/05 at 12:04 AM
Posted under: See-Through

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