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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Dark is the Night

One last page.  A page to sum up, to predict, to hope, to fear, to wonder, and to decide.

It’s time.  Time to learn to love.  Time to grow, to learn, to experience life, to go out on my own.

It’s time… yeah, to break free
It’s time to pull away
For you and me
It’s time… yeah to break free
We need to celebrate the mystery…

No matter how much WSC changed me into someone I hated, no matter how much those memories - both good and bad - hurt, I could never trade those times in.  TDO has been therapy for me in healing, remembering, learning from the past, and in relearning who I was when I loved myself.  I’m becoming someone I can love again.

Day has come again… morning - fresh with no mistakes in it - YET.  I know I can do anything with this new day - anything, and though the night was a tough one to get through, when the next night comes, I’ll be more able to cope.  I’ve also realized nights aren’t only hard for me:

Dark is the night for all…

July 13, 1993

After a long, rough Freshman year, a year in which I loved, I lost, I made friends, a friend died, the world turned on its side, and I shattered into a million pieces, well, there was still an undying optimism behind it all.  Sometimes my optimism makes me want to barf.  Sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps me going, that little glimmer, that little light that says, “This is only a moment, this is only right now, THIS TOO SHALL PASS.” 

Nights do come.  So do days.  We struggle, and whether or not we “fail” or “succeed” (by subjective standards) - the night passes and the dawn breaks.  We have a chance to dig out, to start fresh, to make right, even if there is no actual “reset” button.  Sometimes, getting through those dark spells can be tough, and it’s hard to remember that it isn’t forever, but to those who are struggling out there, believe me- _trust me_ - it isn’t forever.

19 is a tender age.  An age of growing up, learning, being a “baby” (in some ways) all over again, and whoo… it’s only the beginning of a voyage that lasts until, oh, roughly 21 or 22 (sometimes longer) to really, and truly transforming fully into an adult.  18 may be the “legal” age for some things, but it takes a lot longer to really develop some of that other junk that comes with time, wisdom and experience.  It’s definitely interesting reading back through that year and realizing how much heartache could have been avoided if I’d been the person I am now - then.  But of course, I wouldn’t be the person I am now without those experiences, including the heartaches. 

Easy roads may not afford the scenery that the rougher ones do, but geeze, sometimes I wish I could have traveled a paved highway for at least part of the journey.

Posted by Liberty on 12/08 at 04:15 AM
Posted under: 31 Days

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