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Thursday, November 15, 2012

Grateful for My Blog

Sara and I spoke.

It was comfortable and uncomfortable at once.  When we speak on the phone, I tend to get immersed in the conversation and when I realize it, I quickly pull back and end the conversation.  Don’t get too comfy, and all that.

At any rate, Sara had a blog at one point.  Sara doesn’t write often, but the entries tend to be thought provoking, funny, and/or something to which most can relate.  The thing that strikes me most about it is that it goes back far - much longer than I have known Sara.  The story told isn’t really what’s written, but what isn’t.  If you know Sara and the life experiences there, you’d know what I mean.

In any case, the subject of web pages and blogs came up.  My site had some malicious scripts (be wary of “free” WordPress templates - just saying) so I had to go through and clean up my site, and in the process deleted a LOT of crap that wasn’t really in use or valid anymore.  When I mentioned that to Sara, I got the following response:

“I actually am thinking of deleting mine.  And Facebook, Twitter… everything.”

OK, I’ll admit it, my first thought was that Sara no longer wanted me to be a part of her life and was doing the “We can’t be friends so fuck off” thing (again) but then I realized that no, Sara is not me.  Sara is not into histrionics and if she didn’t want me on her shit, she’d just block my ass.  It felt like a pretty big move for someone who tends to be pretty low key in her reactions, so I pressed for an explanation.

Sara is finishing up college now.  After years of being a single parent, she’s decided she needed to step it up and make something happen.  I guess you could say she finally figured out what she wants to be when she grows up, and I can’t tell you how proud I am of her.  At any rate, she brought up the fact that soon she’ll be job hunting and having all your junk hanging out of your virtual pants looks bad to prospective employers. 

I get it.  I do.  I can’t count the number of asshats who’ve come here trying to dig up dirt on me (Skarrie, that one’s for you, baby) but I can tell you it doesn’t feel good having someone use my exposed vulnerability to hurt me.  It’s fighting low and dirty, and it’s entirely unnecessary.  But as I mentioned before, the beauty of what Sara has written is in the simplicity and what is NOT, rather than what IS.  I don’t think she has anything to worry about.  There was more to her decision than that, but it makes me sad.

Doubly so when I went through and poked at entries from 2001, when I first started CSTH.  (Yikes… 11 years ago!) I still wish I had the stuff from 1999-2001, but it was too much to transfer over.  Seems paltry compared to the archives I have now, but still.  Sara has promised there’d be records kept in private of the entries, so I guess it’s not like it’ll be lost, but I still am glad I’ve kept CSTH, in spite of the many times I felt like chucking it all to the wind.

Posted by Liberty on 11/15 at 03:12 AM
Posted under: See-Through

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