Monday, November 10, 2008
Gratitude
Someone on Facebook recently posted a link to a blog that I’ve found interesting and (at times, at least) enlightening. Some of it seems a little… well. Okay. Not my style, but I get where it’s coming from, so there it is.
Anyway, When I read this I was really impressed, especially with the video at the end. We have such a hard time getting Sebastian to look at anything in a positive light, I decided to initiate a “Gratitude Journal” type thing. We discussed (and finally bargained down to) having a few minutes before bedtime where we talk one-on-one about that for which we’re grateful. At first, Sebastian didn’t take it seriously at all, and found ways to nestle insults and barbs and negativity into his gratitude statements. The worst was, “I’m glad [boy in his class] isn’t dead yet,“ he said merrily, and before I could even quirk an eyebrow he said, “So that someday I can kill him, myself.“
Chaaaarming.
I know he does and says these things to get a reaction out of me. So instead, I just walked away. “Waait! MOM! WAAAAAAAAIT!“ “No, if you can’t take it seriously, I’ll try it another day.“ It’s like re-teaching him the difference between positive and negative attention and that you want positive attention and not negative attention. Grr. Shouldn’t he have learned that at, I dunno, the age of TWO?
Tonight was different. He threw out a couple of trifle boring “I’m glad I have video games” or some such nothingness, then he said, “Actually. I’m kind of glad you’re my mom.“ He sounded surprised by that, but there was no follow-up snarkiness or negativity. Maybe he left it at that simply to say what I wanted to hear, but regardless, it felt like a victory. Sometimes ya hafta fake it til you make it. We have a conference with his teacher, principle, the school psychologist, and a slew of other people on Thursday. We’ll see how that goes. I’m dreading it, already, but what can we do? We weren’t even told what it was about, though his attitude has to play a part in all this, I’m sure.
As E. pointed out to me on IM, it very well may be getting worse recently due to hormone surges. I hadn’t really thought about it, but I guess he IS in 6th grade. Bleh. Why can’t parenting be a little easier?!
ANYway… I’m grateful he is at least making efforts to try to appease me by going through these motions. Even if it doesn’t make him a happier, more positive person, even if it doesn’t give him any meaningful social connection (that’s what I was really sort of hoping for), it helps me to know him a little better, and I do like that.
In Other Years:
Top Ten Blessings & Banes: 11/10 (2002)
Banes:
10. Neighbor Kid. Still.
9. Email bombs. (GO Notre Dame?? WTF?)
8. Not being able to…[Read More]
Comments
Liberty at 11/17/08 07:36 PM
Well… it wasn’t as bad as I was worried it might be. Pretty much it came down to, “Sebastian seems moody and depressed, what can we do about it?“
And really, no solid solutions were thrown around. We asked the psychologist if she’d reassure Sebastian that what he said stayed between them and re-opened the invitation to talk with her when he felt like it, but… *shrug*
The problem is that a lot of his issues stem from the need to be the center of attention. (Geeze, I can NOT imagine where he gets that…) so he’ll do/say shocking things and be all “emo” just to see where it’ll take him. That makes it difficult to know if he’s actually “depressed” or if he’s just being difficult to get attention.
We’re to do another meeting in a few weeks to see if there’s any change. I’ll keep everyone posted if there’s anything major!
Dayna Breen at 11/11/08 08:35 AM
Great idea/exercise! Steve makes us list three things that we are thankful for or happy about, etc anytime he hears negativity spewing. It always sucks at the time…but then you can’t help but feel a little more positive even as you try to fight it.
He sure does grumble when I tell him to do it though! hahahah Paybacks a WHAT?? 
Good luck in your meeting.