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Friday, July 20, 2012

Growing

Growing up, growing old, growing together, growing apart, growing into, growing out of…

We do a lot of growing.

It’s interesting how moms often start hitting menopausal years when their daughters hit their teens and we get to experience growing and change together.  It’s weird watching dads and sons drooling over the same cars - and the same women. It’s odd sitting at a bar, feeling totally out of place and ancient with friends who were my “besties” 20 years before - the age my son is now - as he is texting his own buddies and making similar plans as my friends and I had twenty years previously.

Devon is at an age where he feels like he knows better than his parents. He is committed to do things better, smarter, faster, longer, and more powerfully than we did - just like we were sure we knew better paths than our parents.  Devon feels powerful, confident, excited, and limitless.  Life hasn’t kicked him in the teeth - yet.  He hasn’t felt the ramifications of being lazy too many days (weeks, months, years…) in a row, or been told “no” so many times he believes it, or realized that he is pretty much just like everyone else.  Yet.

I feel both fearful for him and envious.  I remember being in similar shoes.  I remember thinking that no matter what life threw at me, I had it covered.  Until I had Devon, anyway.  Of course, even then, I still managed to have it covered, I just suddenly was aware that I might NOT.  Now that he is job and apartment hunting and registered for college classes, I feel some of the same limitless possibilities in my own life as he does (and I did in the past) but this time capped by limited time.  My future doesn’t stretch endlessly before me, but rather has a definite and (to some extent) foreseeable end.  This is both frightening and a relief.  No one really wants to run the rat race forever.  Even if we do, we can’t.

I still remember Carrie asking me late one night when we were about 17 or 18 - “What’s the point of it all?”

A question that likely will haunt me through each stage of growth all the way to the end.

I wonder if Devon wonders the same, yet?

Posted by Liberty on 07/20 at 01:35 AM
Posted under: ColorfulSee-Through

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