Friday, December 14, 2001

Happy Birthday to ME! =)

On this day in 1973, a comet passed over Colorado Springs and a baby girl, weighing in at six pounds, two and a half ounces, was born to Christopher and Molly Ruggles. Twenty-eight years ago, two parents were filled with hope and joy, excitement and fear. One little girl was overwhelmed and in awe of the world around her, and remains so to this day.

A lot has happened in twenty-eight years, and a lot has changed. The Berlin wall has fallen, the Cold War has ended, every family has a television - most have two or three - and the Internet has become the main form of communication across distances. We, as a world have grown closer, and yet have distanced ourselves. To say we have come far in such a short amount of time would be an understatement, and yet, we have so far to go, still.

On a personal level, I have changed immensely. Childhood suited me. Adolescence confused me. Blossoming into womanhood was both a trauma and a thrill. Motherhood suits me as much as childhood did. I’ve gone to college, fallen in love (many times over), achieved goals, left behind dreams, laughed, feared and run away when the world got to be too much for me. Mostly, I have just been coasting along doing my best to enjoy the scenery and not sick up when the ride got too bumpy. This seems to be pretty much par for the course, as far as I can tell.

Generally speaking, birthdays have been traumatic for me. Let’s face it, birth is not an easy task for mother or for child. That was the beginning, but it really only got worse from there. I remember the stress and anxiety my mother would experience trying to put together parties and cakes and pick out (and afford) presents. She would snap and growl like a feral animal as she made preparations, and no matter what my reaction, it was never good enough. She never saw the delight in my eyes or heard my tiny chiming voice thanking her for just being my mommy. It was necessary for her to martyr herself and point out how disappointing my reaction was, regardless of what that reaction would be. Slumber parties were a nightmare. No one wanted to come to my hideous house. My parents smoked. Bedtime, even during a slumber party, was eight o’clock. We weren’t allowed to stay up all night giggling and playing games, watching scary movies or chatting about boys. No, the rules were rigid, my father made sure of that.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I never had a good birthday. There were probably a few, but I don’t really recall one that didn’t have some sort of trauma. For my sixteenth birthday I got a fat lip from my dad. Granted, it was an accident, but it’s something I’ll always remember. Even after I moved away from my parents house, tragedy and drama seemed to perch themselves on the fourteenth of December, no matter what I did to try to avoid it. On my twenty-first birthday, my not-yet-husband pushed me down a flight of stairs, (granted, accidentally) during a heated argument. Things always get out of hand and I almost always end up feeling lost, alone and disappointed.

Not this year.

No, no. This year, I have friends who have made a point of acknowledging and honoring my birthday. Even my mother, who is going through some really crazy times herself, sent a birthday gift and a card. I would like to thank everyone who has (already!!) remembered me on this day. I feel very honored and special and was utterly blown away and surprised by the cards, the gifts, the thoughtful emails, and the kind words. I definitely feel like a princess today, and will probably spend the full day shining my little imaginary tiara and preening with every birthday wish.

Special thanks to Aimee, who encouraged the high mail traffic (I’m telling ya, it is the COOLEST thing to open the mailbox to a stack of birthday cards!), to Andrea, who stayed up way past her bedtime just to be sure to be the first one to wish me a happy birthday, to TDO for not being able to wait to give me my birthday gift, to Tasha, “Denver Doug”, Joanna, and Bonnie-from-Alabama for the wonderful birthday cards, to Josh for being my bestest friend and reminding me that there’s more to life than sulking (even if sulking is more fun sometimes), to Carol for making a point of sending a birthday e-card to brighten my day, to Toni (who never forgets anything, well, at least nothing important) and to all of the other wonderful people who’ve made this such a special day. And, of course… thank you to my mother for all of those hard hours of labor and long years of trying to raise me.

Many thanks also to my grandmother who is with me in spirit always.

A very happy birthday, indeed.

Posted by Mommy on 12/14 at 03:24 AM
Posted under: Totally Transparent (Greatest Hits) •