Thursday, June 28, 2007
Tech Support Crap
When dealing with tech support, I tend to keep detailed notes. Generally, the first time I call over something I don’t even bother to document it unless I foresee future problems. A long many years ago when dealing with Sprint, (and when my friend Gracie was dealing with them as well) I learned to write down dates, times, employee names/positions, and any job numbers, confirmation numbers or phone numbers I was directed to make note of during the process. Trust me, it’s been useful, especially when a company tries to skirt out of giving a discount or service that they’ve promised.
My notes are usually general and just give sketchy details. I try to add in quotes only if someone is being blatantly disrespectful or making specific promises. Sometimes I just add in quotes because they’re amusing or help me remember the call/employee. Sometimes I jot down weird notes because I’m bored. This sorta went from tidy and simple to bored and, uh, a little tipsy.
The back story is that late May I called our cable company to add phone service to our cable/Internet service. It seemed like a financially sound thing to do as it will cut our phone bill down by more than half. I had concerns in regards to power/Internet outages (no net=no phone, no power=no phone). I was given enough of a pep talk (and a $.01 per month for six months incentive) to give it a try. I figured if it didn’t work, we’d try something else, but it was worth trying out.
Unfortunately, along the lines, there were… issues. The cable bill was in TDO’s name. The phone in mine. We THOUGHT we’d managed our way around that when they decided they couldn’t find our house on a map so they couldn’t provide service. Then there was the issue with the 3rd party verification computer system being down. Then they disconnected our Internet because when they never came to set up the phone (because of the previous mentioned problems) they just canceled our Internet/phone service altogether (without our knowledge or consent.) Finally, they jerry rigged the ‘net back to the way it was (sort of) before they put in the phone order, but they never put in the order to have the phone installed.
This phone call was a second attempt to try to get them to put in a work order and schedule a time for them to come out and add phone service for us.
6/28/07
3:15 PM Dialed 866#
Steve from Sales.
Insisted that they had to have cross streets in order to process order. Also insisted that message had been left with TDO asking for the cross streets. (When I mentioned no such conversation had occurred, Steve did not respond at all.) Schedule service for July 17 9am-1pm said he would put me through directly to 3rd party verification. Much typing. No talking. Finally…
3:21 - Put on hold for “One brief moment.”
3:25 - Checked to see what blocking to put on phone.
3:27 - Transferred to 3rd party verification.
WRONG PHONE NUMBER - COULD NOT VERIFY ORDER directed to call 866 *** ****
confirmation number (comfirmation of what I have no the fuck idea…) 1714
3:32 - Called back Mediacom. Got Steve. Again.
Explained I was a little grouchy. To which he replied, “Not a problem.” Well. It is to me.
3:33 - Listened to Steve’s heavy breathing as he… napped? Was not turned on. Poured myself a glass of wine.
3:34 - Finally heard computer error sounds from Steve’s end. Steve put me on hold with,“One moment.”
3:35 - Downed half a glass of wine and took deep, deep breaths.
3:36 - Fought the temptation to smash phone against the computer monitor as “Hold Muzak” was a little much for my frayed nerves.
3:37 - “Uh, can I have the telephone number area code first?” said Steve. I clearly and concisely listed each number in a slow, monotone voice.
3:38 - “One moment,” Steve said. Again. I took another long drink of my wine.
3:39 - Hold Muzak dies. Phone goes quiet. I wait.
And wait.
And wait.
Finally, a computerized voice says, “Press the star key when your customer is back and ready to begin.” I feel reasonably sure that Steve is supposed to do this, but since he isn’t there, I press * to see what’ll happen. Steve neglected to tell me we were headed back to 3rd party verification, apparently, but there we are, with a computerized voice demanding to know my age, weight, race, and what color my panties are.
I hope I’m not too drunk to speak clearly to the automated system.
Every “Yes!” response becomes more and more sarcastic until on the last one, I am asked to repeat my response as the computer, “Didn’t quite catch that.” I’m sure it’s just punishing me for my snark.
I am disappointed that I am not invited to participate in a short survey at the end of this call. Oh. The things I’d say. Or not. It’d probably be automated and not let me say anything.
Confirmation number 1722
3:45 No internet. WTF?
3:55 (ish) I call back (My Cable Company).
Didn’t take a name. Someone in sales. I’m just grateful he speaks English as I’m not sure what language they speak in India. He insists the modem is working. I insist I have no Internet. He insists I do. I insist I do not. He begins to insist it is because I do not use Internet Explorer.
My wine glass is empty at this point.
I explain (very very briefly) the issues we’ve had over the last MOTHERFUCKINGMONTH. He calmly suggests he call over to tech support to try to figure out the issue.
4:08 More Hold Muzak. Dear God. What have I done to deserve this?
4:09 I pour a splash more wine. On myself. Then some more in the cup. Which I quickly down.
4:10 Call waiting beeps. Ironically, it’s not a trick from (My Cable Company) to get me to leave my place on hold and start the conversation over. I don’t think. Unless my friends are in on this, too.
I ignore the call. At least my voice mail still works.
I hope.
4:13 - No internet. Nice warm glowy feeling from the wine. Hey. It’s cool. Right? Ish jusht Internet shervish. *hic* Okay, yeah no, I’m not that drunk. Yet. Still on hold. Tinny, overly loud muzak playing on my nerves.
Wondering if I should yell when Sales Rep Guy comes back or if I should swear.
Swearing would be more fun.
Can’t think of any really vulgar swear words.
I’d look some up BUT I HAVE NO INTERNET!
Guess I’ll just wait. Patiently.
4:15 - One hour. I have been on the phone. One. Hour.
Nothing is fixed. In fact, they broke it worse than it was before.
4:17 - Drunk food cravings. Mmm… Cheese sticks. Or maybe a grilled cheese with real cheddar. Oh, or that bread, what’s that stuff called? The toasty bread with the tomatoes and basil on top? Brusheta? Bruchetta? Yeah, whatever, that shit. I’d look it up but I HAVE NO INTERNET. Still. On. Hold.
4:20 The option to “re-ring” my party comes up. He comes back just at the moment I contemplate “re-ring” rather than “press 3 to stay on hold”. I press and hold 3 for a moment anyway, just to vent some steam.
4:23 Drew (he tells me his name and insists he’s “different” and won’t leave me hanging on this one) promises to call me back once he figures out how to resolve the issue. He says he’ll stay on hold until he can get someone in tech support. It feels like bad pick up lines. Or worse. Bad break up lines.
4:24 - I settle for a turkey sandwich while I wait (without much expectation) for “Drew” to call me back. If he does, I may promise him a blowjob for his fabulous service.
4:38 - After my snack I came back and reset the modem/router. Everything seems to be back up. I’m wondering if I should call Drew and tell him he missed out on the blowjob of a lifetime. Then I wonder if he somehow managed to inspire this fix. The idea of slobbin’ on some tech weenie creeps me out. I opt not to call Drew and instead figure I’ll blog this, even though it’s probably not nearly as amusing as I think it is.
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Comments
Desiree at 06/29/07 09:32 PM
Oh my… I do think this taking notes is a very good idea, as you’ve shown here it can be entertaining, but too… it can come in handy too, for follow up calls when you get screwed around, as in reality, we all know this happens far too much.
Liberty at 07/03/07 01:45 AM
I sort of wonder if I should just use Skype and forget phones altogether. In fact, maybe I can get an IV and a catheter. Then I’d never have to ever ever leave my computer.
Naah.
We actually get faster ‘net service that we can ONLY get if we sign up for their lame phone service. That wasn’t the only motivator, but it was up there on the list.
beelzebub at 06/29/07 09:51 AM
Haha. If you have to call tech support, you’re already screwed. Might as well pick up and move to another house, it will be easier in the long run. That’s my professional opinion.
BTW, if you are going to do VOIP, why not Vonage or Packet8? Probably make your life easier than dealing with your cable company…