Friday, February 28, 2003
The Pain of My Life
My apologies for the cheese factor. It’s “snowdrop’s”:http://anonablog.sillywoppat.com/archives/000688.html fault for planting the “song”:http://www.medialab.chalmers.se/guitar/sounds.of.silence.lyr.html in my head earlier. The rest just sort of came to me.
Hello nachos, my old friend,
I’ve come to gorge on you again,
Because depression softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
The depression that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the pain of my life.
Add some cheese now and sour cream
I hurt so much I could just scream.
Why can’t I just go and die?
Let me get another piece of pie,
While I eat my depression seems to ease all of the pain.
It’s all in vain.
Within the pain of my life.
And in the mirror there I see
A fat girl who is real ugly.
Body bulging out really far,
Body nearly large as a car,
Body quaking like a giant jelly roll
An emtpy hole,
Filled with pain of my life.
“Fools” said I, “You do not know
Depression like my body grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.“
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the pain of my life.
No matter what I do or say.
It’s hard to last one more day.
All the troubles are mine to keep.
All the tears are mine to weep.
But it sure seems like I should find some peace
Find some release
Against the pain of my life.
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Comments
Sometimes I wish you could see the person I see. Would it help? Would it help to know that I
erica at 02/28/03 11:16 PM
What a heartwrenchingly beautiful poem/song. It’s a haunting expression of what depression can do to us. {{{HUGS}}} You’re loved my dear!
Desiree at 02/28/03 11:39 PM
At the start I was thinking of printing it off and singing it with my Kareoke machine, but dear Liberty, it is too sad. Is this a reflection of what you really feel? *huggs* Depression is something difficult to deal with, and weight too. I have to deal with both too in some respect.
Writing about it may indeed be a help to you, do as you need but don’t give up on yourself - EVER!
Toni at 02/28/03 09:32 PM
Sweetie, there are very many people who love you. I wish you could *know* right this minute how much you mean to so many people and how much light you bring into our lives. I know depression, it is my shadow; darkness is my old friend. I’m not going to tell you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, because I do not know how to do that even for myself. I will tell you that you need to have faith that this will pass. That has been proven by time over and over again. I do not know what any of us can do as we wait for time to pass, for the pain to pass. I would suggest that you dig deep into your spirit, where only you can go and nurture your spirit any way you can. If you need to put your kids to bed early, it will not hurt them. If you need to sob loudly to get things out, then sob. If you need to scream, scream. If you need the messages of the prophets written on subway walls, take them - or write your own there. Do what you want or need to do and do not worry about anyone else for now. Be as kind and understanding to your own spirit as you are to all of your friends who love you so much for your kindnesses to them. If you need a whipping post, I am here and willing to listen to you. It is only when this depression passes that you will be able to think clearly and make progress toward solving the things that caused it. I know you like my own child, and love you as much. You are really far stronger than you believe you are or can be right now, and you are a survivor. Depression is lying to
you. When you are feeling better, you will be able to go on with your life and make the decisions you have to make. You are a brilliant girl and not really helpless at all. The helplessness is another of depression’s big lies.
Take care of YOU! with all my love, your other mother