Sunday, May 16, 2004

Three-Year-Old Weapons of MASS Destruction

How is it possible that two three-year-old girls can cause more damage to my house in two hours than a whole family of five can in a week?

I’m seriously considering figuring out a way of forming my own army of three-year-olds.  They can be like locusts, swooping in and destroying everything in sight.  Refrigerators will be raided, pantries mobbed, toy chests overturned.  There will be stains on the carpets, markings on the walls, broken dolls, broken windows, upturned plants, and cut up clothing.

Oh yes, I will wield a power more destructive than the atomic bomb, more frightening than a fat lady in spandex.  The only problem will be hiring enough generals (aka Mommies) to control the ravenous army of preschoolers.  I’m not sure I can do that. 

Although, at least in my army, my generals will get paid.  They’ll get days off and sick days and they’ll get overtime when they have to work longer than 8 hours straight.  They’ll get medals and ribbons and there will be grand award ceremonies.  “Most spills cleaned in one day,“ “Most graceful catch of a falling kiddo,“ “Most creative hairstyling for an entire unit of troops,“  Oh yeah.  We will rule the world.

I guess in a way, we already do.

In Other Years:

Decisions, Decisions. (2008)

As a parent, I am tasked with the impossible: finding a balance.

If you have kids, you probably know what…[Read More]

Top Ten (2006)

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Zit From Hell (2005)

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