Monday, May 19, 2008
Tired. So tired.
This crappy Fibromyalgia is just kicking my butt lately. The pain (so far) has been a nuisance, but the exhaustion has been unbearable.
I always know when I’m going to have a flair up because I’ll get horrific headaches for a few days - headaches that even 800mg of Ibuprofin won’t touch. After that, the achy “flu” feeling starts to take over, and eventually the “so tired I can barely hold my head up” fills in any gaps left behind. (A. I bet you know what I’m talking about, eh?) Somewhere in there, the depression creeps in, at first it’s just a vague sense of sadness that doesn’t attach itself to any specific event or reasoning, but then it becomes more of a vicious cycle of hurting/being tired and getting frustrated/depressed because I’m hurting and tired. I just hate knowing it’s coming on and feeling helpless over doing anything about it, but there it is.
The sad part is, I’ve actually felt pretty well and not really had issues with the FMS of late, so I was beginning to get the false sense of security that maybe I’d “outgrown” it, or something. Sheah, right. As if.
I can’t really explain FMS any better than saying that it literally feels like my body is dying around me. I know that sounds so dramatic, but really, it’s how I feel. I feel old and worn and like I’m literally dying. I feel like the muscles in my body are dissolving, and like there’s something horridly, inexplicably, and irrevocably wrong with me. It’s no wonder I get so damned depressed when I feel so badly.
I envy people who can stay positive and happy even during the worst life has to throw at them, because in the end, I know this isn’t that bad, all things considered, but even when I want to stay positive and light, the dark feelings that don’t come from any explained source drag down any hope I might have been clinging to and I start to slide.
So. Here I am trying to hope through the thick sticky depression that clings to the pain and fatigue.
I’m tired.
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Comments
Angelique at 05/20/08 08:10 AM
I guess Lyrica doesn’t work for everyone. It worked great for me. I’ve been on it 6 months. If I miss a dose I’m hurting really bad. I have really severe fibromyalgia, but it helps to the point that the pain meds will actually work.
Without Lyrica NONE of the pain meds work and I have an assortment of pain meds (4) and muscle relaxers (2). Not to mention three different psychotherapy drugs. Maybe you should talk to your doc about reviewing your meds? On any given day I take a minimum of 8 different prescription drugs. Without the Lyrica, none of the other stuff will work.
I know I take alot of meds, but it beats being bed ridden wracked with pain and wishing death would come soon.
Angelique at 05/20/08 09:39 AM
PS: An OTC tip for helping with the energy issue is to cut back on carbs and sugars and increasing protein. It’s hard to go out and excercse when you feel like crap, but physical activity increases your energy and releases endorphines to help you feel better. Hope this helps. 
Liberty at 05/20/08 11:08 AM
I’ve knocked all processed sugars, whites (flour, rice, etc.) and the like out of the diet completely. Living on meat and veggies right now, almost exclusively with a little whole grain bread tossed in when I just can’t stop jonesing for some toast.
I do realize changes like that take time, though. I also know you’re right about the exercise. I hate that the nearby Curves closed down. I did fine when I was going 3X a week (even though I hated it).
Talisman at 05/20/08 12:24 PM
Do you have any access to a pool over the summer months? Swimming (or even just walking back and forth in the pool) is supposed to be really good exercise when you’re in pain.
I hope you feel better soon and this flareup doesn’t last long.
DayBreen at 05/20/08 09:09 PM
Hugs!
I have no idea what that must feel like…I’m so sorry that you have to experience it.
Maybe this will cheer you up at least a little?
TENNESSEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tamara at 05/22/08 05:35 PM
Oh sweetie! I had no idea that you have Fibromyalgia. I can’t imagine what you must go through with this condition but just know that I am sending you a really gentle hug. I hope you are feeling better soon!
JL at 05/20/08 06:25 AM
Farking Fibromyalgia ... I started Lyrica last month and really, after a bit of optimism, it doesn’t seem to be doing much good.
I can’t think of a better way to explain this disease than the way you have - it feels like you body is dying.
Erm, is this considered stalking?