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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Weird Science

So I wanted to be a chemist. Not like a real chemist, you know, who measures and keeps records and is methodical and in theory (at least!) has an idea of what will happen if you add this or split that or heat this or freeze that.  No.  I just wanted to mix weird shit together to see what would happen.  I guess I really just wanted to be a mad scientist.

It started in my grandma’s cellar. Yes, she had a real cellar dug into the ground with big wooden fold out doors.  There were ancient jars of weird things that no longer should be consumed (if ever they were safe - my grandmother was not known for her good cooking), like choke cherry jelly and brown semi transparent things that might have been vegetables in another incarnation or could have been alien fetuses.  I loved cracking open those jars and breaking open the wax seal to unveil fiendish delights within.  But just seeing what heinous crimes against God were within wasn’t enough.  I had to mix stuff together to see what would happen.  At first it was mixing jar contents to see how I could take disgusting to revolting.  Somewhere along the line, I got really crazy and started mixing in weird shit from grandpa’s garage. 

Soon motor oil and brake fluid and cleaning solvents became my toys of choice.  Coupled with the repulsive used-to-probably-be-edibles I had my own laboratory in my own imagined dungeon in my own dreamed up castle.  How freaking cool is that?? 

As time wore on I was able to get access to more stuff to mix together in more ways to create potions and concoctions do every vile sort.  This was not done in the name of science or with the grand idea to actually make something useful, but simply to see what would happen

So that’s the back story.  Fast forward a lot of years.  NOW I have access to essential oils and herbal infusions and carrier oils and wax bases and guess what?  I get to mix all this crap together with the intent of putting it on my own body: just to see what would happen.  Well, one day I mix some rather innocent oils together in a rather innocent looking plastic jar and then in a hurry to move on to some other Very Important Task (tm) I just closed the lid and left it.  Days went by where I never bothered to check to see what happened.  Wile in the past I’d seen color and texture changes and once a sort of light fizzing, this time.  This tihappens etching actually happened. 

Oh sure, I half remembered reading that some essential oils had to be stored in certain types of containers but it was all a hazy blur and frankly, I never wanted to be a real scientist with actual knowledge and stuff.  I just wanted something cool to happen and it had!  My liquidy oils had turned into a rapidly going rubber gel!  Sweeeet.  It was freaky and exciting and undoubtedly a reaction to the chemicals in the plastic jar.  Yet another Very Important Task (tm) called me away and I completely forgot I was going to fuck around with my evil creation some more to see what else I could do with/to it.  For years.  Yes, that evil shit sat in there for years!

Until tonight when I discovered it while looking for a bar of soap.

At first, the wanna-be-mad-scientist sneered with glee.  But a strange thing happened when I cracked open the jar and found the container a solid crusty mass.  Instead of devising interesting experiments to see what I could addor what heat would do or soapy water or globs of warmed mustard, I just kind of thought, “Ick.”

And then I threw away the jar. My prize of all experiments gone before just went casually topside down and lid separately after into the waste bin. I didn’t even touch or smell it first. 

The whole thing has left me a little desolate and sad.

I don’t think true mad scientists get desolate and sad, do they?

Posted by Liberty on 01/17 at 07:14 PM
Posted under: Colorful

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